DUTY OR AFFECTION
SMS MARRIAGE-MATICSA Daily Marital Devotional
Pst Richard Minet
Monday18th Dec, 2017
Ps. 133:3
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.
While it is one thing for couples to live or be together, it is altogether another for them to do so in unity. The term UNITY in our text is Koinonia, which connotes or goes beyond just being together physically but so much more in soul and of course with the longing and the enjoyment of being so.
Several relationships and marriages begin with a heavy dose of affection, at this point, couples do almost anything expected or demanded with so much joy and in fact with a readiness to do even more than requested, but after a while this act unconsciously slips into a mere duty, at this point although the couple may still be together but this will only be in flesh, its no longer in that glorious unity needed to sustain the sweetness of that union.
For those whose relationships have slipped into this level, no need to worry, that wonderful unity can be achieved again, all you need to do is work at it, take duty beyond the level that it is, make it your affection. In many marriages, especially for wives, sex is nothing other than a mere duty, same goes with cooking, taking calls, going out or spending time together and all other household chores. For most men today, provision is nothing other than this, just fulfilling duty. This is against the formular or recipe for true unity. To enjoy marital unity, you must do more than this, sex must go beyond duty, as well as other duties. You see, until duty becomes affection and vice versa, a marriage is not complete.
One of the numerous benefits of a union that is such is the difference between how blessings are gotten in such a union. Life is wired in such a way that men either WORK for, SERVE for, PURSUE, or BEG for blessing (breakthrough), but wherever you find unity beyond duty, we are told that it is in that place ...THERE, God COMMANDED the blessing.
Koinonia, moistens the heart and makes it fit to receive the seed, (the Word) and consequently the fruit or beauty of dwelling together.
DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN DUTY AND AFFECTION
The following are calculations to determine when love has become a mere duty; It is duty when there's no pleasure in it. It is duty when you do only the things that you consider legitimate but won't go the extra mile to do those things that makes your spouse glad or that ministers to his or her uniqueness, especially in sex matters, when sex is done hurriedly, just to get away or to get him or her off your back then it is duty. It is duty when his/her ultimate satisfaction is of no concern to you, after all you've done what you are asked or required to do. It is duty when it never burdens you to find out your performance from him/her, i.e. when you never give it a thought to find out his/her feelings after. Appraisal strongly suggests affection. Love is duty when you can't let them go, but can't or won't do things to make them stay. I.e. you love your wife so much not to be able to live without her, but enjoy sex with someone else.
Duty may connote that the couple are just housemates. In most cases, what is still keeping them from separating could be their children. While true affection makes the couple soul mates in fact 'heart' mates. They can't just do without each other.
The danger of a marriage run as a duty only is that there is a high possibility of strife, arguments, irritation and such likes. According to the scriptures, it is an open invitation to the enemy to carry out his evil works in that family like attack on the family finances, health etc.
James 3:16
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
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