LOVE OR THE FEELING OF LOVE? (Discerning Infatuation from genuine Love)

By Pastor Richard Minet

LOVE OR THE FEELING OF LOVE?
(Discerning Infatuation from genuine Love)

Overview:

• Romantic Love.
• The meaning of romance.
• Why Divorce rate is on the rise.

2Sam. 13:1-4, 10-12, 14-15.
And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon loved her. And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar;... But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab... And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my... sister... And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand... And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me;... Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon HATED her exceedingly; so that the HATRED wherewith he hated her was GREATER than the love wherewith he had loved her.

Romantic (infatuation) love is one that throws caution to the wind. Once you are fallen, nothing else in the whole wide world matters, all advice, plea or effort by your loved ones to persuade or dissuade you, only falls on deaf ears. If those involved are not cautious, the excitement can sometimes turn into a fever, yet as wonderful as it may seem, overtime the excitement gives way to reality. Reason those caught in it are always in a hurry to see it burn or consume them, and like Amnon, once the fire is done burning, it leaves it’s victims disappointed, disillusioned or crushed.

Whatever Amnon thought he felt; love, affection, romance; whatever, something definitely must be wrong with it because it's funny how so short his professed fiery love for Tamar lasted? In a moment of ecstasy he was so blind, all of Tamar’s plea to reason fell on deaf ears, one moment after, his eyes opened and now all he wanted was to have nothing to do with the love for which he had been so ill.


This is the problem when people mistake the feeling of love for true love. Romantic love is a terrible kind of love, one moment you will do anything to savour it and the next moment you want to do anything to avoid it, resentment takes over.

A careful look at the Oxford advanced learners dictionary of the meaning of romance and romantic reveals something shocking; ROMANCE: (a) An exciting and often SHORT relationship between two people who love each other. (b)​ Love or A FEELING OF BEING in love. ROMANTIC: (a)​ Someone who shows strong feelings of love and likes doing things that are RELATED TO LOVE, such as, buying flowers, presents, etc. (b)​ Someone who is not practical, and bases their ideas too much on an IMAGINED IDEA of the world.

The first definition here is one major reason why no relationship or marriage should be built merely on romance, because no matter how wonderful or exciting it may look now, the dictionary tells us it’s only a matter of time before reality sets in. Again, the dictionary says it is a person who shows strong 'FEELINGS' OF LOVE and likes doing things that are RELATED TO LOVE, such as buying flowers, presents, etc. But the problem is; DOING THINGS THAT ARE RELATED TO and actually LOVING are two different things. Our world is full of people who are not really ready for true love but are all doing things related to love including trying to build marriages on this ideology. This won't work because according to the last definition, this kind of love is really not practical; it has no root, but derives it's idea from the lofty (entertainment) imaginations of the world.

When you hear statements like; “This marriage is over, my love for him is dead”, etc, even when those who say such think they know what they are saying, truth is they don't, what they do not know is that it is only the “feeling of love” for their spouses that may be dead but not love and if they work at it, it can blossom.

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: SOS. 8:7, 1 Cor. 13:8 says; "Love never ends..." (NCV)

If God himself says; “LOVE CANNOT DIE, how come we think or say that our love for someone has died. Wake up, what died is not "Love" but the “Feeling of love” it is this feeling of love most people mistake for love. To profess love when the going is good and when money is on hand, or when there’s understanding is not difficult, anyone can love when the going is good, but how many will keep love when the chips are down? How many will endure or continue to love when understanding is wanting and the relationship is no longer giving, but continually demanding from you, it is at this point that romantic love wears out and the test of true love is unveiled.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with romantic expressions, my point is; our parents don’t give flowers at valentine or express love as we do, yet some of their marriages are well over forty years and still waxing. Those married in our generation express all kinds of affection, spend almost all day kissing, visit the best leisure and relaxation spots but what is the result? Marriages and relationships have never faced the kind of threat it is facing today. Divorce rate is on the rise, we spend so much to make marriage work but get so little for our effort. Something must definitely be wrong and careful look shows what the problem is. We are building our relationships on romance and not on true love. We have committed a very grave error in trying to replace love with mere feeling. Saying I love you or sending flowers must not be made the foundation or defining factor of a marriage; romance must not be what we as God’s children use in measuring love or concluding the health of our relationships.

POINT OF MEDITATION
1. Would you prefer your spouse showing you romantic affection more than looking out for your good or ways to make up for your shortcomings?
2. What in your opinion would you term as true love and what true lovers should look out for in a relationship or marriage, feelings or caring?

Kindly Drop your answers below, God bless you!

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